I had a Grandma Jones and now my mother is a Grandma Jones. Even though they are not related by blood there must be something about being a grandparent with the surname Jones that causes general disinterest in your own grandchild.
It’s been over two years since my mother has seen her only grandchild and between her refusal to get vaccinated, lack of willingness to travel, and her real or perceived obligation to her “real family” both I and her only grandchild are left out of the Venn Diagram of people who are worthy of an audience with her.
Is this a harsh assessment?
Yes.
Is it deserved?
Also yes.
More than deserved, this harsh assessment has been earned.
Growing up I saw my grandparents Jones sporadically. Only when my dad was in town for the day and even then only when it was convenient for all parties. I was just a kid so I had no say in the matter. So these people who were technically related to me were more strangers than neighbors or the older people I would see at church on Sundays. Same as with my dad, I haven’t seen them in over 30 years and don’t know if they’re still alive. It should be a weird feeling but the more I think about it, it’s not. It’s hard to feel a connection to people you’ve never spent an appreciable amount of time with because of a technicality.
I fear the same will and is happening with my mother and her only grandchild.
When we left New York to move to Michigan early into the pandemic to protect our health, safety, and sanity it was just the three of us. We had no help and I remember talking to my mother a couple times begging for her to come live with us and help. I offered to rent an RV to drive down and pick her up because she said she didn’t feel comfortable making the drive from Indiana, about a 6 hour trip. She refused.
Long story short, she had commitments to her “real family” that were more important to her than helping her own child and grandchild.
My mother is essentially choosing to Cat’s In The Cradle her only grandchild and if/when she decides that her “real family” choices have cost her, her grandchild won’t care. I can sense that it’s already starting subtly. I don’t know what my mother expects the next time she sees her only grandchild. She will be a stranger to her and not necessarily immediately recognized as someone who is more than a background character.
It sucks but I am beyond caring or putting in more effort to include my mother more than I already have.
Choices have consequences.
She is choosing her “real family” and so am I.