Only Child. Last Choice.

I have reached the age where the loss of a parent has moved from a thing (hopefully) way down the road to a thing that needs to be discussed with the relevant parties because that’s how time and the natural progression of age works. Over the last couple years several friends have lost a parent. Some have one parent left and for some both are now gone. For me, I only have one parent since I have not seen the other in over 30 years and the one I do have, my mother, has had one foot out the door of my life since I left home the second time in 2001. Not health-wise or physically just emotionally. Which feels worse. 

The feeling of being intentionally abandoned by a parent is, in my opinion, the same as being a once-beloved main character on a show and then being written off midseason with little to no explanation and being left with unanswered questions and unresolved plot lines. 

There are many specific examples and cringe-worthy stories to share but I’ll stick to one since I need to keep some back so I have other stuff to write about. 

The current situation goes back to the loss of a parent thing I mentioned above. Since we are living through a global pandemic and it’s approaching three years since my mother has seen her only grandchild (that she last saw when she was 6 weeks) old and still has no plans or intention to visit because of her responsibilities to her Real Family I have no idea if I will see her again myself. 

With all this in mind I decided to ask her if she had her affairs in order. She said she did. I asked who the executor would be so I would have an idea of what I needed to be ready for. I was then informed my mother had chosen her sisters instead of her only child because “I live too far away” since apparently she believes I would have to rely on the Pony Express or a similarly antiquated method of communication to handle anything. Please note that “too far away” is the six hour drive she won’t make to visit us which at the moment is irrelevant because she still refuses to get vaccinated. 

I’ll be honest, hearing that stung. It’s the most recent example of choosing her Real Family over me and I am sure that her middle sister is the one who told her to arrange it that way. It’s not like there is much to her estate to settle but that’s not the point. Regardless of her noble intentions of saving me from headache and hassle, it shows that she doesn’t trust me to handle it, or the more likely scenario, those around her convinced her that was the case. Considering the current state of my relationships with her middle and younger sisters I doubt I will have any extended interactions with them before or only for business after the necessary time. 

When you are an only child and your mother doesn’t choose you but chooses her sisters that she knows you don’t have any kind of relationship with over you it stings and it in no uncertain terms announces your place in her life vs. the importance of her Real Family. I don’t know why I expected anything different from her. I shouldn’t have and won’t in the future so it will be less of a let down when her actions don’t surprise me again.