Out of sight. Out of mind.

Even though the current state of my relationship with my mother is not the best it’s ever been, I am not a monster so I texted my mother first thing to say Happy Mother’s Day, sent flowers, and let her know a gift card was coming via email. Again, because I’m not a monster.

Not wanting to just text, I called her around noon and by the conversations happening and hearing her Real Family try to get her attention while she was on the phone I clearly interrupted whatever she was in the middle of. 

No big deal. I’m used to it.

Then, unprompted, just after we had finished dinner she called her daughter-in-law to wish her happy Mother’s Day which I thought was a lovely gesture. 

It was nice until it wasn’t.

Her daughter-in-law put the call on FaceTime so her only grandchild could see her and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. She did and my mother responded “oh, thank you [REDACTED]” and then her face went pale. 

She called her only grandchild the name of my cousin’s kid.

What the actual fuck. I know it’s been almost three years since she has seen her only grandchild in person but more than just a slip of the tongue, to me, it’s very telling of the level of actual priority that her only grandchild has in her life. 

She was looking at her on FaceTime. Looking at her. Fortunately, her only grandchild did not pick up on what had juts happened and I give myself a pat on the back for not yelling out “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!?! YOU HAVE ONE GRANDCHILD!!! IS ONE NAME TOO MUCH TO REMEMBER?!?!”

I tried to call my mother about a half hour later and she let the call go to voicemail. I suspect she knew the reason for my call and didn’t want to hear it when she probably still had Real Family duties to attend to. 

I thought about this whole situation and wondered if I had lived my life like my birth family expected and gotten a menial job, never moved out, never left home or gone to college, and had moved with them to deep red Chucklefuck, Indiana if my relationship with my mother would be different. And then I remember that Middle Sister would still be around demanding her attention. 

So no. Nothing would be better. 

I am where I’m meant to be and with the people I’m meant to be with. 

The point that keeps coming around is that it is possible to outgrow even birth family relationships and that’s where I am with this. It’s a little surprising and not the most pleasant feeling but it is what it is. 

My nuclear family and our happiness and wellbeing come first and not everyone I thought would be part of it will be. 

And that’s ok.